I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
