My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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