Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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