i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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