I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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