A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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