I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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