Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
