is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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