Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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