I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She told me I should be a condom model.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
