You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
