i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
