billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
