chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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