I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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