period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
