You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
