I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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