don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
