i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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