Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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