Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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