The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize