his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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