Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I see more hoeing in ur future
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