he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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