You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if only i could text you this smell
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
