It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
