Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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