Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
