Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
