he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
