I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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