Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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