You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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