i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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