So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
high people should be assigned attendants
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
