This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
