My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
