I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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