so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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