bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
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No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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