I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
