I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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