I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
