I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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