what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
