Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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