One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.