I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?