Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.