Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.