Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"

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  (908): i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits" http://tfl.nu/grvc
  Replies (45) Good night (4013) Bad night (1143)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.

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  (630): i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween. http://tfl.nu/iqfz
  Replies (56) Good night (6688) Bad night (1018)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  smell my finger.

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  (612): smell my finger. http://tfl.nu/i0ta
  Replies (80) Good night (1688) Bad night (5112)
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  (310): View more from California

  how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.

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  (310): how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year. http://tfl.nu/ig11
  Replies (26) Good night (1094) Bad night (3251)
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  (661): View more from California

  Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half

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  (661): Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half http://tfl.nu/okef
  Replies (14) Good night (1031) Bad night (3933)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.

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  (651): I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober. http://tfl.nu/gztw
  Replies (5) Good night (1490) Bad night (849)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.

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  (519): It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/mbje
  Replies (8) Good night (2609) Bad night (729)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.

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  (860): Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now. http://tfl.nu/0rnz
  Replies (4) Good night (2828) Bad night (638)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?

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  (407): We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher? http://tfl.nu/1efu
  Replies (3) Good night (535) Bad night (938)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there

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  (612): Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there http://tfl.nu/59ui
  Replies (5) Good night (986) Bad night (426)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry

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  (919): That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry http://tfl.nu/76an
  Replies (2) Good night (894) Bad night (357)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.

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  (202): She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top. http://tfl.nu/luup
  Replies (10) Good night (1190) Bad night (531)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.

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  (570): No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong. http://tfl.nu/gy5i
  Replies (2) Good night (330) Bad night (606)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.

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  (817): I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones. http://tfl.nu/bbiz
  Replies (3) Good night (733) Bad night (291)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus

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  (203): I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus http://tfl.nu/joo2
  Replies (12) Good night (654) Bad night (362)

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