and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
