Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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