I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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