I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
