His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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