i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
