Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
