i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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