I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
