Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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