My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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