Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
