It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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