I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
