did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
