Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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