what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
