Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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